"I sometimes wish that people would put a little more emphasis upon the observance of the law than they do upon its enforcement." ~Calvin Coolidge

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Silly Sunday

Wow, the weeks are just flying by! I can’t believe it’s already time for “Silly Sunday” again!

To recap Silly Sunday, each Sunday I will post a funny article, story, joke etc. If you would like to participate, send me your funny or feel free to share it in the comments. If you email it to me I will post it (assuming it’s not sexually explicit or crammed with obscenities) along with a link to your blog so folks can take a look at your work.

This weeks submission was sent in by my new golf student, my absolute best friend and Glock N’ Cuffs co-author/editor, Aza over at Surreptitious Psychosis last week. However, Dad emailed me the Dave Barry “colonoscopy” funny and she wanted to post his first.

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New Drugs For Women


D A M N I T O L

Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

ST. M O M M A'S W O R T

Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N

Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O

Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

D U M B E R O L

When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

F L I P I T O R

Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N

Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person . Can we get naked now?"

B U Y A G R A

Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

J A C K A S S P I R I N

Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

N A G A M E T

When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.


I’m Out And We’ll Talk Later!

8 comments:

For The People said...

Those are too funny!

Mrs. "Smith" said...

The sad thing is that there are 4 of those I could use! :)

fuzzys dad said...

Great stuff.

Officer "Smith" said...

Which four!?!?

Mrs. "Smith" said...

Oops, just ran through them again. The count is 5, not 4.

Old NFO said...

Good ones!

Aza said...

I eat the following by the handful, like candy: Damnitol, Flipitor, Jackasspirin, Anti-talksident and Nagamet.

For The People said...

Stop by my place today. I am starting something new.