Well I guess I'll start my first blog entry with a vent/rant about this whole divorce issue.. I married my soon to be ex-wife in 2000. I guess I should have seen the writing on the wall when she told me that she had been married 5 times, but of course like most males I wasn't thinking with the right head. I saw a very attractive woman and being of average looks myself I thought "Wow she digs me." We had a very happy relationship in the beginning, however, over time I started getting that gut feeling that most policeman get that this chick might have some serious trust issues. The first thing that happened came straight out of the blue. We were laying in the bed one morning and she asks, "When was the last time you talked to your ex-girlfriend?" I answered with a truthful answer because she asked from the start to always be honest and I didn't have anything to hide. So I said, "About a month ago when she called me to tell me that she had paid off the Master Card account that I let her use to put some furniture on." I got no response so I thought WOW she's cool about it and understands that the conversation with the ex had nothing to do with old times it was just over the stupid credit card. I could not have been more wrong!!!!! She gets up, goes to work and I get a phone call about an hour later. She absolutely ripped me up one side and down the other. I was told that I was deceitful and a liar and she was leaving! I was speechless! Okay, so I'm thinking this bitch told me to be honest, I have absolutely nothing to be dishonest over and now she is calling me every nasty word in the English language (not to mention a few others). Now I know those of you reading this are thinking "Man, that's a pretty damn big clue". Yeah, I know, it should have been the light that came on and the bell that went off in my thick ass brain that goes "DING DING DING this chick just isn't right!!" Well, it wasn't and I have been paying for it for 8 years now.
I have spent thousands of dollars helping her and every member of her family because they are all three toed inbreds (another post for another time) but I thought, well it's her family. I bought the daughter her first car, the oldest son all of his tools to start his business and kept all of the hoodlums in the family out of jail, including her crackhead brother. Now I am the one getting the massive green weenie in court because I have provided for her all these years. Here's where it gets even better, now she's told her attorney that she can't work because she has "Fibromyalgia". ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?!?!?!?!. The bitch is still working 3 days a week, but I have to pay all this money?...Ohhhhhhh get this, she showed up at court wearing no making up and dressed like she was 90! I just had to laugh, because this is a woman that would NEVER walk out of the house without makeup on looking like anything less than a Barbie doll. Heh, it must have worked because the judge wannabe told me that I had to pay her $3,300.00 dollars (yep, you read that right!) by 5 pm on January 25th. Honestly, I’m still in a state of shock. I paid the blood money and had a whopping $300.00 dollars left in my account to last 2 weeks. Oh, and the best part? On top of me making the $600.00+ dollar car payment that she's driving AND the insurance payment, they will be taking an additional $923.00 dollars out of my pay check every 2 weeks until my mediation Feb 29th. She walks out of court with a grin high-fiving her daughter saying “I told you I’d f*** him!” and I walk out trying to figure out how the hell I’m supposed to survive on $150.00 dollars a week. So you can say "DUMBASS!!!!!" now. No really, it's okay go ahead..
So, there's my first vent/rant! As you can tell I’m pretty pissed about the whole situation. Maybe not nearly as funny as most of the stuff you read but stick around, I promise to provide you with some very funny stories throughout my 27 years as the "PO PO". I can certainly assure you, there are plenty of vents about this damn divorce yet to come too.
I'm out and we will talk later!
"I sometimes wish that people would put a little more emphasis upon the observance of the law than they do upon its enforcement." ~Calvin Coolidge