Wow! I have only been at this for a few days and I got a major shout out from The Roll Call Notebook! So I’d like to thank the Enforcer and welcome all of my new guests!
Well, here we go! I know all of you have family that you love and want to protect. Well obviously that’s no different for any police officer. I got a phone call from my peeps they basically told me that they were in need of my assistance. I learned that some folks were renting a house down the street and on a daily basis prostitutes (read: nasty hookers and hoe’s) had been visiting as well as their "Johns" and the local dope boys. Well you have to know that just can’t happen!
I called on a few favors from my brothers and sisters in blue. We did some surveillance and put a plan together. The big plan was that my buddy J would conduct close surveillance behind the house all decked out in his BDU's and hidden in the bushes. I along with some of my ninja brothers were all blacked out in our cars just waiting for the signal. At this point I’m all pumped up cause I just can’t wait to jump out as fast as my old ass body will let me, bust in and KICK SOME ASS!!! J walks up as the door opens, pops his head in, announces who he is and asks if he can come in. The resident's response? "Sure!" (Damn! That was easy!) So he gives the signal and here I come like John Wayne, baby! I’m in the door in a flash with my gun drawn, ready to defend my family and fellow officers! We shoved everybody down on the floor and started the whole process of checking for weapons etc… After the situation had calmed down I was hit with an overwhelming smell of Marijuana. I swear I thought I was right smack in the middle of a Cheech and Chong movie! I said "Dang! How in the world can you breath in here?" Keeping in mind we are not dealing with mental giants here, some knucklehead said "We haven’t been doing anything!" I said, "So where is all the smoke coming from?" Naturally amnesia struck everybody. The owner of the house who had been the focus of all the rants in the neighborhood spoke up and said, "Officer, I am disabled and I don’t know what’s going on in here!" I asked, "Do you have any illegal drugs in the house?", "Oh no!" she said. I just laughed. You don’t need my highly honed Spidey Senses to see in plain view at least 20 Grams of the wacky weed, some rolling papers and a pipe on the table. I asked her "What the hell is this, then?" The room went quiet. Here we go with the amnesia again!
I directed my attention to an old guy that was all gimped up and told him to stand up. I started the ol’ pat down for weapons and asked him "Do you have any drugs, guns, knives or anything in your pockets that will stick me?" He said "No" (yeah, of course not!) That’s when I saw 2 massive Doobies (No, not the brothers, Marijuana joints) rolled up all nice and neat behind both ears. I didn’t say anything and kept on digging in his pockets pulling out a knife that he said he didn’t have (Now all of you know that a knife is a requirement of every redneck to have right?) I started to laugh and asked him "I thought you didn’t have any drugs on you?" He responded casually, "I don’t! I just rolled those for him [gesturing at redneck #2] and was keeping them for him." Are you starting to get the picture of the level of brilliance we’re dealing with here? Yeah, one "Oops, I got too drunk and messed around with my first cousin" gene away from total mental retardation.
The legal resident believe it or not signed a consent to search form and after recovering just less than 20 Grams of Marijuana, a bag full of Ecstasy and some other illegal drugs our project was over. The result: 3 arrests and drugs seized!
The best part for me was when I took the mother of clan "Not So Bright", who also happens to be a crackhead over to the side and ripped her up one side and down the other basically putting the fear of God in her for bringing John’s and crack into my family’s neighborhood- so much so that she "wee-weed" in her pants. Now that’s what I call justice baby!!!
So I guess the moral of the story is- Don’t muck with the PoPo’s family or the street they live on! Really though we would do it for you, too!
I’m out and we’ll talk later!
"I sometimes wish that people would put a little more emphasis upon the observance of the law than they do upon its enforcement." ~Calvin Coolidge