Happy Birthday, mom and Learning to relax

It’s that time of the year when we celebrate our mother’s for taking care of us and wiping our dirty lil hiney’s when we were little. For me and I am sure I’m not alone, it’s bitter sweet. May 1st my mother was born in the year 1922. She was the sweetest most loving woman that I have ever known. I was a very lucky man because God chose me to be born to such an amazing woman. I have so many wonderful memories that I can look back on so I am fortunate and very thankful.

I miss my mother very much so yesterday being her birthday was very emotional for me. I don’t think that people realize what their parents mean to them until they’re gone. I always tell young people that the worst day in your entire life will be the day that your mom and dad pass away. It is so true, I miss them both very much.

One thing that always hurt my feelings when I was with Mrs. Ed was she never went to the cemetery with me to visit my parents and just be supportive. While I know that she cared about my mother, I thought she cared enough about me to support me when I needed to go spend time with my mom and dad at their resting place, but I guess not. When Aza learned about how close I was with both my parents she asked to see where they were laid to rest. I took her there and I could feel the genuine concern and heart felt pain she felt because she knew it was really hard for me. I can tell you on a number of occasions I have called her to see what she was doing and she told me that she had just left my parents gravesite. That in itself shows you what kind of woman she is. I don’t say anything about birthdays or anniversaries and when I do she has already bought flowers. She calls me telling me we need to go and put these flowers on your mom and dad’s grave. That’s exactly what she did yesterday. It’s just another reason why I love that girl. Thanks Aza for being so many things to me and for picking up the ball that so many people have dropped. I love You.

In other news, I have been so busy with just the everyday stresses of life that I haven’t taken time to sit back and smell the roses. I honestly didn’t realize how much stress that I was under daily when I was with Mrs. Ed. I was talking to Aza the other day telling her what my life was like and she was amazed. Now that I think about it, I‘m pretty amazed myself! I worked my butt off to provide a life for those people that they never had. The thanks I got was literally a slap in the face. Yeah, you read it right, Mrs. Ed slapped me in my face because of her anger issues. She needs to be medicated but that’s a whole other story. It’s really sad when people have such issues with previous relationships that they allow it to spill over into new relationships. Such was the case with Mrs. Ed. This Woman was married to 5 different men. Each relationship ended up the same way DIVORCE! The bell should have been ringing loud and clear but it didn’t. I can tell you that bell is ringing it’s ass off now. I essentially paid for every sin that each of her ex- husbands committed. I have never in my life been questioned, interrogated and put under the microscope as much as I was with her. It is a miserable life to live when you are with somebody like that.

Now, I feel great! I can't remember a time in all of my 48 years of living when I felt better about myself and just the simple things in life. I am able to enjoy my days and nights without worrying about being called and interrogated about what I was doing or who I’ve talked to during my shift. Without living in a constant state of nausea. I’m sure that there are some that would say, “Well, I bet she had a reason.” Heh, those that would say it don’t know me very well and probably have the same issues that she did. I can tell you in complete honesty, she had no reason what so ever. Because she would never get help for all her past relationships I paid for it. I am here to declare, never again! I love waking up everyday now. The only thing that I worry about now is getting my animals fed. I have a wonderful friendship with Aza and her family. I've been able to renew friendships with my FTO as well as many others (some of which I grew up with) that had been put on a back burner. It boiled down to, if they weren't her friends (partiers and drinkers) they weren't acceptable. The people I surround myself with are laid back and enjoy the same things I do in life. I spend a lot of time with Aza and her family just hanging out, riding the motorcycle, cooking out etc. I love spending time with them. Those of you that think you can’t have a girl for a best friend, think again! We are the very best of friends and I am having the time of my life!

Yeah, I know, I brag a lot about Aza. She really is my best friend so just get over it. hahaha!

I sat down the other day and realized that I have 29 working days left until I retire! I really can not believe that I am leaving. It is a very scary feeling but I know that I will be just fine. I have some things planned, I know that I am going to take at least a month off to just relax and get my head straight. I actually put in an application for a neighboring department last week. That was really strange, I am going to be a rookie again! I am at the point with my department now that I can pretty much do whatever I want. Now I know you’re probably raising an eyebrow but what I mean is I just don’t get bothered by the rank and file. I am treated like a supervisor simply because of my time in service. So it is going to be a big shock when I start with this other agency. I will be a 48 year old rookie, my FTO will be 25 years old. Shoot, I got underwear older than that! I am sure that I will adjust. I will keep you posted on the whole process.

So in closing, life is way too short to be unhappy. Sit back and take time for yourself. Hopefully you wont ever have to go through what I am going through with this whole divorce, but if you do I hope that you have friends like I have that will love you for just being you.

I’m Out And We’ll Talk Later!