A final farewell to J257...

Well the ride is over for me as a police officer. I've worked my final day with my department. It was a very emotional day for me that was compounded by court hearings with the bitch the day before that absolutely left me exhausted; that will definitely be my next post. I may not be able to respond to comments or post after Friday for a few days as I have to turn in all of my gear by Friday. Until I can get my own laptop I will be working off of Aza’s. So let me tell you how my last shift on the street went…

I had a special ceremony that was hosted by our Sheriff at 9am. It was very nice with 12 officers and supervisors attending as future retirees. The Sheriff was touched and commented that he could hire new recruits, dispatchers, civilian employees and other personnel but he could never replace 455 years of experience that was leaving his department. That made a very big impact on me and set things in perspective.

After the ceremony I had a whole host of signatures that was needed to complete a small portion of the exit report. I was able to obtain most of those signatures, but still some are needed and will be done today since I have to turn in all of my uniforms etc…

At 3pm my sub station had a party for me that at least 100 people showed up for. I was basically the brunt of a mini roast that went on and on. It was very touching to see people that I have trained over the years talk about me as if they were giving a eulogy. It was emotional as I spoke to my family, for who knows, maybe the last time? I sat and listened as they were talking of the things they were going to do when they got back to work. The people that they wanted to hunt down so they could put them in jail. I sat and reflected on all the fun that I had with each individual officer and just couldn’t believe that the ride was over.

Aza was of course there to capture all of the memories of my last day with photographs. I laughed, cried and felt completely separated at times from the people that I fought with and laid my life on the line with everyday. I found myself sitting there in complete disbelief that it was really almost over.

Aza was absolutely phenomenal in this entire final few days of life as I know it. She allowed me to break down when I needed to and get a little frustrated when I needed to. I was so appreciative that she has been there for me, but really I would never have expected anything else from her. I just don’t know what I would have done without her during such an emotional time.

After the party I went out and had dinner with Aza and her dad who also had been very supportive. She took me to get some Sushi which is without a doubt my favorite. I had a young community service officer come with us as well as another police officer who is a very dear friend of mine. We ate some awesome Sushi, told some lies and just relaxed for a few minutes.

After dinner I went out and handled a few calls at my leisure even telling the dispatcher that I didn’t feel like handling a particular call and to give me the other one that had just gone out. The zone got a kick out of that and was burning up my computer, phone and every other instrument they could use to get a hold of me.

The big finally for me was something that caused a breakdown of emotions. I sent out a voice dispatch at 0250 hrs which was 5 minutes early before I got off.

I said, “HQ, I don’t think I want to handle anymore calls. As a matter of fact, I think I am going to go ahead and just go home 5 minutes early! I’m out.”

Well of course that sent my computer and phone ringing off the hook. I was bombarded with messages on the computer. The dispatcher sent me a message telling me not to sign off yet. I sat there waiting until I heard the alert tone go off twice alerting officers to pay attention, something important was going to be broadcasted. The dispatcher gave and unbelievable farewell on behalf of their division. Once again, chills raced down my spine and I was flooded with a ton of emotions that I just couldn’t hold back. She said the following…


“All units in Zone 4, I have a very important announcement to make regarding J257, Officer ----------.

On behalf of the Communications Center and all of ------ employees, we want to thank you for all your hard work and dedication to the ---------- Sheriffs Office. In 26 years of service, your honesty, integrity, leadership, and excellence have been very well appreciated.

At 0255 hours on this day, June 26, 2008, you will go 10-82 for the last time as J257, #0000. You leave us with a lot of special memories and good times that will not be forgotten.

So from all of us to you, enjoy your retirement and the many wonderful years ahead. We’re going to miss you!

HQ is signing off now at 0255 hours. KJH224!!!”


It was my final farewell and tribute to my 27 years of service to my department and the city. It was my final day as J257. I will never be a police officer again for my city. I know that this does not define me as a man, but it did define 27 years of my life that God was so kind to let me survive. The sad part about leaving for me is that I would never have signed up to retire but the soon to be Ex begged me, so I did. I didn’t and don’t want to leave but I did what I thought was right at the time. Now, she is trying to take all that away from me.

I have a little message for her, “Screw You!!! You don’t control me anymore! I will move on and enjoy my life. In fact, I think I will take Aza and play some golf with my friends tomorrow!!! Yea that’s right and I’m leaving my phone in the car!!!”

I’m Out And We’ll Talk Later!

Divorce drama

Well tomorrow I will be in court again with the future ex! I had a meeting with my attorney so that we would have all our ducks in a row because this meeting is hopefully going to modify what I am paying her. Let me recap what this gold digging bitch is getting from me. I pay her 3k a month which includes her car payment and insurance. Remember I have no children with this woman nor property. The only reason she gets this amount of money is because she says that since she has “fibromyalgia” she can’t earn sufficient money to sustain her life style. Wow, it’s just that easy to earn basically starting pay for a police rookie just by saying she has a disability. Her lies are not only costing me dearly, they are making a mockery of women who are truly afflicted with fibro.

Now, this is fixing to get better because I know all of you are sitting there with your mouth wide open in disbelief. During our meeting, my attorney walks in with a new piece of information for me. Ms. Ed’s new attorney has filed a motion for contempt on me! Yes, you read that right! The basis for this? She told him that I was 1190.00 dollars in arrears in temporary needs. Ummmmm, first, you were sitting there when the magistrate gave the order of what I was suppose to pay. Second, I paid every penny of that and you know it. Finally and most important, it comes directly out of my check! How in the hell could I possibly be behind!? Then the document goes on to read and request that due to her “Fragile” health she needs dental work done in the amount of 1290.00 dollars. The sucker husband (that’s me) has the money to pay this and should pay it. Wow, that’s big, bold, brassy balls! It said “Fragile” 10 times at least. Needless to say, I just sat there stunned. What absolutely floored me was the statement “The wife prays that the court make the husband pay the back alimony as well as for the dental work that must be done. The wife also prays that the court would find that do to her “Fragile” health award her additional monies to sustain her lifestyle because the current amount is not enough. Finally, the wife prays that the court find the husband in full contempt and incarcerate him if the money is not paid”. Unbelievable! Hahaha, yeah, I see me payin’ her a load of cash from behind bars!

Let me tell why she has no money. She lives in a $650,000 dollar house with a room mate. I know that the house payment is at least $2,000.00 dollars a month. She is living in a huge high dollar community that she has no business living in and that’s why she can’t afford to live. Me, well I live in a trailer on city property, I can not afford to pay anything. You wanna no why? When I get my check once all of the money comes out that goes to her I have roughly $200.00 dollars (that’s two hundred) a payday (that’s bi-weekly) to live on! That’s right you, read that right too. To top it off, I retire in less than a week. I won’t have that kind of money coming in. I will not have the ability to go out there and work an extra job to earn extra money. I have to pay $800.00 dollars a month just in health insurance. I just can not believe that anyone could be this greedy and nasty. Well I take that back, I guess I can believe it after all of this.

I am so tired of it but here’s the thing, I may live in the ghetto (and I do) but I am the happiest I have ever been. So to her I say, “Go live in your high dollar house that I'm paying for, drive your high dollar car that I'm also paying for because deep down you will always be white trash and even deeper down, you know it. You’re a sad human being and Karma is a bitch baby!”

Here’s praying the judge sees who and what she really is!

I’m Out And We’ll Talk Later!

Happy Fathers Day...

This week I’m going to take a break from Silly Sunday in recognition of Father’s Day.

It has been 14 years since my father passed away at the age of 72. My Dad was a wonderful man, a great husband, and my best friend that was always there for me and my family. I have so many incredible memories of my Dad over the many years we were together that will last me a lifetime. I also have some not so good memories when my Dad whipped my ass for one thing or another, which I know I deserved. My Dad ruled with an iron thumb both in home life as well as his business life. My Dad gave me my first job at the age of 15. I worked in a large retail store with him. I eventually became the manager of a shoe store under his guidance until I turned 18 years old and moved into law enforcement. I was managed much more harshly than all of the other employees. I was expected to excel better than everybody else setting the example of perfection in the work place. I was called into his office so many times demanding to know why my department was down figure wise than the year before. I was told that if it was not corrected then obviously he made a mistake making me a manager. I stepped up to plate and motivated the other employees that worked for me until we pulled out the best months ever in the store history. So at a very young age I was put under pressure to perform, but it was a pressure that I would gladly except again just to say “I Love You” one more time.

My Dad had a rough last 5 years of his life as did our small family. I was an only child so the stress of making sure that as my folks aged I could take care of them grew as each year passed. My Dad decided that he wanted to drink a little bit after work and ride the bus home. So in 1985 while I was getting ready for work 2 police officers knocked on my door. I answered the door and was told that my Dad was hit by a car as he crossed the expressway. I learned that he was Life Flighted to a level 1 Trauma Center in very critical condition. I was escorted to the hospital by my co-workers where I sat for 14 hours not knowing if my Dad was dead or alive. My mother arrived in complete shock. The doctor finally came out telling us that he was alive, but things were going to be different. The accident left him with a severed left leg and a right arm that over time would require 18 surgeries. I had the pleasure of telling him that life as he knew it for the last 63 years would be very different. When I told him that his leg had been amputated he looked at me and said, and I quote “Well, I have had it for 63 years so I can live with out it. I’ll be fine.” I could only stand there in awe of this man that created me and just agree. I knew that he would be fine and he was. He was released a week later and sent home.

For the next several months I came over every morning to help him go to the potty and clean him. My thought process was that I would do anything for him because he would give his life for me. I took care of him until he was capable of going to the bathroom on his own. It was actually the most rewarding time of my life.

So after battling the loss of a leg, 18 surgeries on his arm and staff infection that almost took his life, he was diagnosed with cancer of the bladder. Once again I had to be strong for all involved. Cancer takes no prisoners and my Dad was no exception. He passed away on January 21st 1994, just one year after being diagnosed. I lost my best friend that day, but I got a guardian angel that will look out for me for the rest of my life. I miss my Dad but I know he is with me everyday.

I have been blessed with another gentleman in my life that I call Dad. Aza’s Dad has been a very important part of my life. He is always available to listen to me when I need to talk or just vent. His wise words are always so comforting in the most difficult of times. I have a deep respect for him and enjoy spending time with him because of his vast knowledge of just life in general. So for my second Dad I‘d like to say, “Happy Fathers Day and thank you for bringing so much joy to my life! Most of all, thank you for having a daughter that has the same gentle spirit of love that you do.” I am a lucky man to have had 2 Dads in my life.

I’m Out And We’ll Talk Later!

A vent

I have thought about how to write this for the last few days. The thought process was do I tell this to everybody who reads my blog or do I just keep it to myself. Aza is the only other person that knows about this, so she of course told me that it was up to me if I wanted to share my story. I feel that some of you are like family even though we have never met, but honestly the only people that I really care about how they feel are Aza and her Dad.

I told you that I only had a few days left before I retire. This information has not changed, I leave June 27th. I also told you that I had considered going with a smaller department that bordered our city. That is true also, but things have changed. I started the process that eventually led to my polygraph which I passed with flying colors. It has been 27 years since I have been put through the ringer but none the less I was prepared because I had absolutely nothing to hide. I have had a stellar career, so much so that I was given tremendous compliments by our Sheriff today at a county wide roll call in front of 150 officers. I got about 2 hours of sleep the night before the polygraph only because I just can’t go to bed at 9 o’clock. I never hit the sack until 3, 4 or 5 o’clock in the morning every night simply because I have been on nights for 15 years.

I arrived the morning of the test at 8:30am and was greeted by the examiner. He was a 24 year veteran from Ft. Lauderdale the birth place of the Cops T.V. program. We talked for about 25 minutes before we got down to the nitty gritty. He explained the ins and outs of the test and told me that he didn’t care what has happened the last 27 years, just be truthful and everything would be fine. I of course had no intension of being anything but truthful. I was told that he would ask me a series of about 200 questions some of which would be asked on the actual test. The questions were very personal in nature and some were just plain stupid. I finally completed the series of questions and was exhausted. I felt like I had just been beat up and left for dead. He was eager to get going so he hooked me up to “ol sparky II” and was ready to interrogate and grill me. The test consisted of about 10 questions that were asked 3 separate times with about 25 seconds in between each question. Finally I was unhooked and told that the test was complete.

The examiner left the room for a short while and then returned with my sheet. He said that everything looked great, all of my responses showed a truthful reading and that I had passed with no problem. We shook hands and he said that he looked forward to seeing me again.

I left feeling relieved to say the least. I called Aza telling her that all was well. She of course being my biggest fan was very happy but knew that there would not be an issue. I have to tell all of you that I had to borrow her car to go to the test because I can’t take my police car that far out of county. When I got in, she had a card with my name on it taped to the steering wheel that had absolutely the most comforting words in it that I have ever read. I love her, she is so good to me.

I got a phone call later in the day from the department telling me that I needed to be back out there Thursday morning at 8am to run their P.A.T. test. I was excited because I was that much closer to getting back into police work. A day went by that was very busy for us (I had a ton of errands all afternoon) so I was exhausted eventually going to bed and waking up about 9:30am. I picked up my phone and saw that I had a voice mail. I called my messaging system and heard a message that sent me first, into complete nausea and then ready to throw my guts up. As I listened in absolute disbelief the voice on the other end says “This call is for officer ‘Kojak’, we need to cancel your P.A.T. test. We will be in touch with you”. Now I am not a stupid man I know what that means. It means we don’t want your ass so forget our number. I called immediately and spoke to the lady that left the message. I was told that I was no longer a candidate for employment due to the result of my polygraph! I told her that she had to be kidding me, she said “No, I am not kidding you. Call Inspector Harvey.” I couldn’t punch the numbers fast enough. I got him on the phone and was told that one of the questions that I responded to truthfully really set off the Major. So much so that he immediately suspended my status.

I am going to be honest with you, the question was “Have you ever has sex while on duty?” I went numb first then got pissed. I told him that I answered it with a truthful answer as the test showed. I explained the circumstances behind the answer. It was over 15 years ago with my first wife on my lunch break. She had called and asked that I take lunch at home that day. I logged out, went home to eat and something happened. My answer fell on deaf ears. I was simply not what they were looking for I was told.

Now, I can honestly tell you that I don’t know too many officers that haven’t done something like that in their career (and not necessarily with their spouse). It is absolutely not something that I am proud of but I can tell you that when I was in training if you didn’t you were considered a plant, gay, or you were not one of the guys. Although peer pressure back in the day was tremendous it was not something I folded to. It is a very dark side of being a police officer that I am not proud of but it is what it is. Yes, I did something with my then wife while on lunch. I was man enough to admit it to him and I am man enough to tell all of you. I have never stolen anything, I am not a child molester, crack head or a rogue police officer that beats the shit out of suspects for no reason. I told the truth and I have been persecuted for that. I was told as much that it probably should have been something that should have never come out. Hmmm, so lie about it!?!? Are you kidding me?!

So there it is folks I am not good enough to be an officer for that department. I feel embarrassed, humiliated, and completely devastated. I stand by the fact that I was truthful, but I refuse to believe that I am not good enough!

I’m Out And We’ll Talk Later!

Silly Sunday

Time doesn’t stand still for anybody; I only have 10 more working days until I retire! I can’t believe it is time already. I am processing with another agency. I have to go Monday {tomorrow} morning to take a polygraph and a crazy test so wish me luck on both!!! I will let you know what happens. Now on to Silly Sunday…

To recap Silly Sunday, each Sunday I will post a funny article, story, joke etc. If you would like to participate, send me your funny or feel free to share it in the comments. If you email it to me I will post it (assuming it’s not sexually explicit or crammed with obscenities) along with a link to your blog so folks can take a look at your work.

This weeks submission is courtesy of Aza’s dad. He doesn’t have a blog but you don’t have to have one to submit something for Silly Sunday. Thanks dad!


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Five Surgeons

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon, from New York, says, 'I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'

The second, from Chicago, responds, 'Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.'

The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, 'No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: 'You know, I like construction workers... Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.'

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington, DC shut them all up when he observed: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable.'


I’m Out And We’ll Talk Later!

Please don’t insult yourself or me by pulling that card!

Well, it has started and I really didn’t think it would, this soon at least. I got a call yesterday to a local gas station in regard to a fuel theft. I rolled up and was met by a middle aged woman that had a small 4 year old with her. I asked her how I could help her. "Ms. Blue" begins to tell me that she rolled up to the gas pumps and inserted her debit card expecting to pump $20 dollars. The transaction processed and returned with a message stating "See Cashier". She got back in her vehicle, drove up to the front entrance of the station and walked inside. She approached the clerk, told her what the pump said and the clerk explained that it was no problem, she would set the pump inside for $20 dollars. Ms. Blue paid for the gas and several other items that she shopped around for and went back to her car. She then saw a vehicle pulling off from the pump that she had vacated. Learning that this person had just pumped her $20 dollars worth of gas and took off, Ms. Blue was naturally very upset, which I completely understood. I interviewed the clerk and came to the conclusion that both stories matched so I went back to talk to Ms. Blue. I explained to her in a very compassionate way that I was sorry for what happened but there was not much I could do but write a theft report for her. The first words she spat at me in an incredibly venomous tone were "Oh I see how it is, you think because I am black I’m dumb!" Then she raised her voice inside the store yelling "That’s okay, when Obama gets in there things are gonna change!" At that point I had a gut full and with my 2 weeks left before I retire I said, "Let me explain something to you, race has absolutely nothing to do with this call or what happened to you so don’t try pulling that card!" She muttered a few other things under her breath and demanded to speak to my supervisor. "Gladly!" I said "I’ll call him."

My Seargent arrived and told her basically the same thing I did. Ms. Blue was adamant that we make the gas station give her the gas. We both again explained that we couldn’t force them to do that. We told her to call her debit card company, dispute the transaction, then come see the manager as they instructed her in the store.

Ms. Blue was raging mad and once again attempted to make it a racial incident. It fell on deaf ears. There was a tattooed guy inside the store who just so happened to be caucasian that gave her $15 dollars to get gas. What’s funny to me is he was the only one to step up to the plate and try to help this lady. Hmmm wonder if she still feels the same way.

I can honestly say that when I handle calls I could care less what color you are. Race has nothing to do with it when you violate a law or need assistance. Right is right and wrong is wrong! Please don’t try to make it a race issue when the bottom line is either you screwed up and did something wrong or you just can’t admit that you’re an idiot. I think we are in for a long hard road in the next 152 days. This is what I won’t miss about this job!

I’m Out And We’ll Talk Later!

Silly Sunday

Wow, the weeks are just flying by! I can’t believe it’s already time for “Silly Sunday” again!

To recap Silly Sunday, each Sunday I will post a funny article, story, joke etc. If you would like to participate, send me your funny or feel free to share it in the comments. If you email it to me I will post it (assuming it’s not sexually explicit or crammed with obscenities) along with a link to your blog so folks can take a look at your work.

This weeks submission was sent in by my new golf student, my absolute best friend and Glock N’ Cuffs co-author/editor, Aza over at Surreptitious Psychosis last week. However, Dad emailed me the Dave Barry “colonoscopy” funny and she wanted to post his first.

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New Drugs For Women


D A M N I T O L

Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

ST. M O M M A'S W O R T

Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N

Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O

Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

D U M B E R O L

When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

F L I P I T O R

Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N

Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person . Can we get naked now?"

B U Y A G R A

Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

J A C K A S S P I R I N

Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

N A G A M E T

When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.


I’m Out And We’ll Talk Later!